Jane Austen said. “In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels.”

Do you believe that?

Let’s toss aside our sandals and colorful pastels for now.  Autumn is all about dressing dramatically in rich fabrics and darker colors.

What’s in:

• dress ladylike; wear skirts (except those micro minis for now)
• Knits
• Purple and shades of plum, also gray
• layer necklaces, wear studded belts (a little rock and roll feel)
• funky wedge heels or platforms
• boots

Summer pieces you can still wear this season?

• capris (with blazer and boots) and  shorts (like Lindsay Lohan in this photo)
• summer dresses (with turtlenecks or long sleeves)

• tank tops for layering

• summer scarves and metallic purses
• open-toed sandals (yes you can with leggings)

• leggings
• beach tunics with wide belt and leggings
• rompers,jumpers and babydoll

I have always loved Kate Moss, Sienna Miller, Mischa Barton and Mary Kate Olsen’s style. Does that make me a Boho-chic? I guess so. Wanna dress up like a free-spirit? Do you like wearing large sunglasses, boots, flowing skirts?  Or dress to look a little grungy, rocky, poetic with a touch of feminine?  I guess, that’s the boho style.If you want to get the boho look, get clues from The 11 Most Glamorous Bohos of All Time from Glamour magazine.

• Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
• Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.
• Soften your “start up.” Arguments first “start up” because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.
• Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.
• Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
• Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (”I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (”This is our problem”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way (”I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
• Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot;” not, “We never have any fun”. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.

More about John Gottman

Some of his books with excerpts (click photo to read excerpt).

“What makes a happy marriage? It is a question which all men and women ask one another…The answer is to be found, I think, in the mutual discovery, by two who marry, of the deepest need of the other’s personality, and the satisfaction of that need.” - Pearl Buck

Things I’ve learned from reading the book “Getting the Love You Want”

• We enter marriage with childhood wounds we expect our partners to heal for us.
• We must know our deepest needs and be able to communicate it to our partner.
• We must learn how to deal with our partner’s criticism of us. We must learn how to say what we want without making the other feel attacked.
• We must stop believing that our partners can read our minds.
• We must focus on healing our partner; in turn we will be able to heal ourselves.
• We must learn to be in touch with our anger and rage; not be consumed by it or repress it.
• We must also learn to deal with our partner’s anger by acknowledging his right to express his emotions.
• We must give without expecting anything in return.
• We must treat our partners as a passionate friend and our ally; not our surrogate parent.
• We must simply act in a loving way.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Read the book excerpt (click photo)

IMAGO RELATIONSHIPS INTERNATIONAL

Dreaming of World Peace? Start with your Relationship by Tim Atkinson.

above photo from Flickr, uploaded by dhammza, “another love story”.

Rhonda Byrne’s shares with us The Secret to a healthy self-image.

‘The Secret’

Let’s look at using the Creative Process for those who feel they are overweight and who want to lose weight.

The first thing to know is that if you focus on losing weight, you will attract back having to lose more weight, so get “having to lose weight” out of your mind. It’s the very reason why diets don’t work. Because you are focused on losing weight, you must attract back continually having to lose weight.

The second thing to know is that the condition of being overweight was created through your thought to it. To put it in the most basic terms, if someone is overweight, it came from thinking “fat thoughts,” whether that person was aware of it or not. A person cannot think “thin thoughts” and be fat. It completely defies the law of attraction.

Read the rest of the article here on Newsweek.

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The People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) asks a US ice cream company (Ben and Jerry’s) to consider using breastmilk instead of cow’s milk for making ice cream saying that the change would be beneficial to both human consumers and for the cows. Ben and Jerry’s believes that breastmilk is best used for babies and children. I think PETA should not only be humane to animals but to human beings also. Do we have a surplus of breastmilk or something that they suggest it be used for manufacturing? I agree that instead of converting it to ice cream, breastmilk should be given to those who it is intended for.

Related News: Mothers Selling Breast Milk Online